i haven't exactly blogged in a really long time and i think i owe it to myself and people who still reads the blog to give a few updates on what has been going on in my life.

career
as you all have probably realized, i'm back in sunny sydney. i've taken the chance of pursuing my dreams of a better and more fulfilling future by coming here and starting over. and i guess i have been struggling at the beginning with jobs and money and rent and etc but i really thank God that everything has worked out ok at the end. i now have a job as a sales and marketing executive, which is interesting but involves a lot of self discipline and control. the contract ends at dec and i am hoping to move on to another company where i can have better opportunities. i also don't really like working at home on some days, coz i don't really have much self discipline and control. i am hopeful and am hoping to land ton he job of my dreams someday.

love
everything has been good so far. thebf and i will be celebrating our 3.5 years anniversary next week and sometimes i can't believe that someone so different from me can be so similar to me and yet understand me so well. i am so grateful and thankful that i have found him but i have to admit that the difference in our religion is a HUGE hindrance to a future that we hope to have together. but like i said, things are great and if our relationship were to be drawn on a graph it would be a smooth, straight horizontal line. even though a few months ago we had this huge huge fight that almost ended our relationship

things that bother me
his brother. will not elaborate further. do not want to insult.

shopping
with the stock market crash and all, consumer spending in australia has dropped. ironically, my individual spending has not. i have bought a total of 5 pairs of shoes last month, so not funny. and if you have spent any time with me last year, you'll realize that that's more than the amount of shoes that i bought in the whole of last year!( in Australia, Malaysia is not counted). With having a job and all, my spending has increased a significant amount (thank God my mom doesn't read blogs) but i am so loving my shoe collection. so much that i am going to list down the shoes that i have bought last month ( i know, i'm such a loser)

1. black gladiator heels in black, nine west
2. blue patent flats that was on sale, steve madden
3. banglez in silver, steve madden (it finally came out online!)
4. beige/brown leather heels for work (was on sale!! only $50), witchery
5. a pair of studded black gladiator flats online. was cute and cheap!

ah, i am such a sucker for shoes. and bags. thebf complained last year that i never wore shoes but this year, he is complaining that i buy too many pairs!!!

also, i have recently received an incredible present, a chanel 2.55 bag. you know i really don't want to be this materialistic person who is so into designer goods but i got it out of a random non-occasion and it was the bag that i have always dreamt of having. i hate to brag but i love love love the bag. ahh, i promise its gonna be passed on from generations to generations, its gonna be in my family heirloom, i will love it for life. and fyi, i got the bag in black, medium and in caviar because i am clumsy and will most probably leave a gazillion stratch marks in the pig?

and i think now, my collection is complete.

who am i kidding, i still heart the miu miu bow satchel!!! then, i can say that my collection is completely complete.

thanks bf! i still can't believe you spent part of your bonus on me!

my christian faith
lets just say that i am trying to be a better christian. sometimes i still feel different because it is so strict compared to what i am used to, and sometimes i struggle between church and.. non church activities. at the end of the day, i really hope to achieve a healthy balance between all of those.


yup. that is all.

i don't know. it's just that as for now everything is everywhere. it's complicated. it's difficult living with someone you don't really get along with, he annoys me like hell. i don't like that he is using my new not-so-cheap grapefruit shower gel from The Body Shop, i don't like that he doesn't put any effort in studying and is complaining that foundation is too hard, i don't like that he BRAGS about every single insy-bitsy achievement that he has made (please, most stuff that you have achieved i have achieved and do not brag about it), asks stupid questions, ask for help fr brother for almost everything (like, does he really need help putting his bedsheets on?), takes 1 -1.5 hrs to eat, talks about totally random stuff that don't make sense or isn't related to whatever that has been going on and most importantly, the fact that most things that he talks about is ABOUT HIMSELF. jeez.

when i'm upset or annoyed or angry i like to rant

and i'd like to think that this is a place where i can share my thoughts (to myself?) and maybe get some clarity of all that has been happening.

xx

this is me ranting. and you don't have to read it coz i'm damn pissed.

i can't stand people who try to hurt/ judge/ bear false testimonies about me behind my back and say DON'T TELL THIS TO KAREN.

if you hate me so much, if you think all that you say about me is true and just, and if you think you're right and i'm wrong and that you're the king of the world, why the fuck do you say all these things about me behind my back and say DON'T TELL THIS TO KAREN. i mean, what... are you scared that i'll find out that you're spreading lies about me and reverse all of that?

and telling your parents and my bf? really, how low can you get? you really want to break me down and tear me into pieces don't you? stupid asshole.

xx

that was me last friday.

today, i'm really thinking about this relationship that i'm in.

today, i'm thinking about trust and i'm wondering where i stand in his life and whether he will do all he can to protect me.

today, i'm worried that he will hurt me & turn his back on me.

today, i still have this urge to take revenge and make him suffer even though i promised that i wouldn't.

xx