of hating the world and feeling like crap


"why did you call so late? why didn't you call me earlier? don't you know that i have class tomorrow? why did it take you SOOO long to reply my smses?!?!?"

"i'm sorry..."

a few minutes later...

"are you having your period?"

0_-

*bangs head on wall*



it turns out that he's almost always right about these things.

CURRENTLY

my tummy hurts and i am very angry coz after 4 weeks of peace and quiet, my hsemate comes back and leaves all his dishes on the sink!!!!!!!

I AM SO SO IRRITATED!!!!!

and he uses my hsemate's and my stuff! and i'm angry coz i would really hate hiding all my stuff in my room just so that people won't use them without my permission!! and i hate hate the smelly rubbish and dirty kitchen!!! (which is not caused by the fella but another fella)

i want my own house!!! i can't take it, seriouly.
or CLEANER housemates, please.



------------------------------------------------------

BAH.

just woke up from very very painful sleep.

my stomach aches.

my gums ache (or nerve), it seems that my wisdom tooth is growing.

i miss him.

i have ACCEPTED the fact that i have put on an enormous amount of weight.
i can't live in denial anymore.
my stupid lovehandles have proven me wrong.

stupid stupid rubbish still stinks.

and stupid stupid kitchen sink is still stuffed with his stupid stupid plates.

i feel like crap.

must. exercise

remember how i told you that even if we had to be far far apart, i wouldn't give up on us?

remember how i told you that i would never leave you unless you didn't love me anymore?
(unless you cheated on me. if that happens, you're dead)

i meant every word.

after dinner today, it started to rain ala malaysian heavy rain...

but four idiots in two umbrellas ran on the street to have dessert.

CRAZY!

i have such piggy friends, i can feel my appetite growing and my waistline expanding!

hence, the round bear-like tummy.

last year, I gained 2 kgs at Sydney. I lost those 2 kgs when i went to Bangkok with my family.
however, mr. pig still always claim that i'm 50 kgs eventhough i would like to believe that i haven't gained back the 2 kgs that i've lost.

it's unfair that aussie is so so cold and that im so so lazy to dig for food/cook so i stuf myself with as much food as i can whenever i have food so that i do not waste food or get hungry faster.

ignorance.

i had a conversation with a friend from my japanese class a few weeks ago. it wasn't exactly a conversation, it was more like... urm... an insult.

"you're MALAY?" he said after finding out that i was from Malaysia.
" I thought that you are chinese"

"I am a CHINESE. I'm also from MALAYSIA!!!"

I don't understand why people always get this wrong impression that ALL Malaysians are Malays, which is SO NOT TRUE. we are a culturally deversified bunch of people with their own beliefs, religions and perceptions.

And NO, despite the fact that i have very tiny eyes and a big round face (and flat nose) i am MOST DEFINETELY NOT FROM CHINA!!!

argh.

I hate being known as a fella from China. I am NOT FROM CHINA!!!
and YES, apparently i can speak ENGLISH perfectly, thank you very much.

obviously the fella was a lil silly coz he thought that my other guy friend (FROM CHINA) is my boyfriend!!!

-_-"

that is so weird.

i guess i am with a china (hongkie) man, but he doesn't like being known as a CHINA man too. It's not that im discrimating against China people (or Malays), I just wanna be known as a Chinese Malaysian and i am glad that in a way, the all races in Malaysia get along (they really do in the city, at least) and that MOST Malaysians can speak English PERFECTLY, despite the "lah's", the "mah's" and the occasional swear words.

but who am i to judge/blame others? i judge people too.

although i shdn't.

my left foot is bruised and sore bcoz of the countless amount of walking i have been doing lately..



SEE... i told u i need a car!!!

ahhh.. stupid nine west boots have to be damn nice but so extremely uncomfortable when it comes to a lot A LOT A LOT of walking. damn those women who can't feel the pain of walking so much with so high heels.

and now that he is gone, i can't make him he can't give me foot massages. or carry me.

sent terence off today. did marketing with motherly shing coz i was late LATE for church.
having curry chicken for dinner later...

:)

uncut.

i remember us being friends. it was a long longg time ago. i used to have a crush on you. i was 12.

i remember you used to send me home from church choir. i was 14. dad waited for me to come home one night coz he was so damn overprotective of me. that scared the shyt outta both of us.

i remember i had my very first boyfriend and i was very very close to this guy who you thought liked me. you couldn't stop teasing me & i was DAMN irritated at you.

i remember hurting someone who is very very dear to me. Because i knew that i couldn't see him the way he saw me. but it was already too late. he already loved me.

i remember having to give up time in church because of my parents. i remember crying in the car when i saw the church van pass by. i remember feeling jealous and left out. i remember being depressed always.

worse still, i remember the day you critizised me at the back of the church hall. instead of understanding my situation, you said those hurtful words right at my face. i remember crying in the toilet. he and she saw me cry.

you don't know me.
so don't judge me.

i remember he loved me. and because you were so close to him, again you critised when i rejected him. but you didn't know that i loved him too. but just not the way that he wanted me to. and that's why i didn't choose him.

i made that mistake once.
i won't make it again.

i am in love with him.
and now you don't like it because you don't know that i really do.
instead, you blame me for not choosing him.

i really really cannot be bothered with the things that you say anymore.
you live in ignorance, you assume that you are always right & you are so against me.
i've had enough of this.

like they say,
ignorance is bliss.

ps: had a gr8 dinner today. finally had CHINESE COOKING crabs @ ashfield with shing, terence and eugene.. ahhh.. bliss :)